To those who have been reading this blog, I must apologize for not having updated sooner. I have had internet access but not time. Now I am in Pawling, NY about to cross back over into New England and am dragging my heels.
When I last updated, I was in Duncannon, PA traveling with a kindred spirit and really engrossed in my trail experience living each day to the fullest without a care. So much has changed since then. I got a tick bite/Lyme's disease scare. Truckin got sick and had to drop back. I then travelled with Jen and James who have subsequently had to get off the trail. Pebbles did too. Much bigger than these partings though was the fact that I had to confront some inevitable things related to home life that I didn't want to address or think about until I got home.
As part of my growth and realizations about what I want from my life, I had come to realize that my continuing to be in a relationship with Magpie would only cause us both future pain and suffering. She noticed the changes in me and asked me point blank about it on the phone and I had to be honest with her and let her know that I was breaking up with her, though I much rather would have discussed it in person when I got home. Of course, this change has the ripple effect of making me think abut my dismal financial picture, the need to move, and my rapidly approaching time of coming off the trail.
In my efforts to make it to Vermont before the Barnes Field camping weekend and my moving on August 1st, I've now had to be more regimented in doing my miles each day. This is part of the "follow your own path" or "hike your own hike" mantra. I have had to leave some of my trail friends behind and am now travelling with different people with whom I don't have shared trail memories. I've known for a while that trail friendships, and indeed many non-trail relationships are transient things, fleeting and to be enjoyed while they are there, but not to be expected to last forever, and am working on building my acceptance of such realities.
Of course, the other side of the parting coin is that I've had fantastic visits with or from Erin, David, Alex, and Kim. Talking to them about my trail experience I really see how passionate I am about this. It furthers my resolve to go into adventure-based counseling and help others to make similar personal discoveries to the ones I've made. I've also experienced a lot of wonderful trail magic from a lot of wonderful people. I never would have imagined that New York would be the center of generosity on the trail north of Virginia. The love and support that I've received from my friends has been overwhelming and humbling. I wonder what they will think of the changes I've undergone and how this may affect our relationships.
As I move into the final 170 miles of my trip, I am trying to write down and remember all the things I've learned and all the changes I wish to integrate into my life. I hope to be able to further reflect and take things much slower after I have returned and moved. I plan to head out again following that and do the stretch of trail from Maine Junction to the Vermont-New Hampshire border, doing fewer miles each day and finishing up the AT in Vermont. This encore hike will give me the chance to bring everything together and to mentally prepare myself for my new life without Magpie, the new school year, and my new internship.
For now, I will try to stay in the present and absorb all I can. I will focus on today and moving onward to Connecticut!
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